“What’s worship music sound like for a sinner like me?” ~ recording artist Jelly Roll
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If anyone has heard of Jelly Roll before this moment, please let me know in the comments!
Writing this really hit me hard. I hope it speaks to you, too.
After last Sunday’s piece on Bob Dylan, some of you asked if I would share other artists who have unexpectedly sung gospel songs. I immediately thought of Jelly Roll. No one could be more unexpected than him and you will see why. His story is truly one of miraculous redemption.
Redemption is a huge topic deserving of a long essay. At the same time, it’s simple. We all understand redemption at a basic level. It is clear. It is true. We all yearn for it in one way or another although we can’t always express that yearning. This is where artists come in. They take the deepest feelings that we can’t express in words and do it for us.
Jelly Roll reminds us that we are “sinners saved by grace”. This is a message we desperately need in an era where we are being pushed to turn on each other in judgment, in hate, in violence.
Here are two verses, one from the Old Testament and one from the New Testament:
“He provided redemption for his people; he ordained his covenant forever— holy and awesome is his name.” — Psalms 111:9
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” — Romans 3:23-24
Today, on the day we remember Christ’s resurrection, I encourage people of all faiths, as well as those who are struggling with faith because that’s something I have done my entire life, to remember redemption.
I’ve written so much about this dangerous extremism we are experiencing. If we have opposing views, whether about Covid or the current wars or religion, we immediately cut people off instead of listening quietly, in control of our emotions, knowing that we are all in desperate need of understanding. If we stop speaking to one another, all is lost.
None of us is without sin. And if you don’t like that word, oh well, it needs to be said more often. We need to humble ourselves a little bit more—and that’s not a popular thing to say, either.
Sin and humility are two topics Jelly Roll is not afraid to talk about. So who is this man?
His real name is Jason Bradley DeFord, born December 1984, in Nashville, Tennesse. His father was a meat packer and a bookie on the side. His mother suffered from mental illness and addiction.
I’d like to say for my more sensitive readers that Jelly Roll comes from a rough, raw world that many of you have, perhaps, never experienced. I warn you, he doesn’t talk in a cultured way, but for me, it’s so often the rough, raw voices that ring the truest.
I know the world of the elites and the world of Jelly Roll because of InsideOUT Writers, the creative writing program that I started in juvenile hall. For six years, I talked face to face at a cold, steel writing table behind bars with youth just like him. I went into my students’ homes and got to know their families. I attended their trials. I cried with them, shared their hopes and fears, and visited some of them in prison. A few remained friends until this day. I am not friends with any of the elite board members, with whom I had many clashes.
But not only that, I know the world of the violent, drug-filled streets because of my own experiences raising my sons as a single mother in Los Angeles suburbia. So many young people, mostly artists who didn’t fit into the system, came through my home. Some didn’t survive. Others went on to have fulling lives. I pray for them all. If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to read my very personal essay on the topic, Finding Courage in Paradise Lost.
On The Joe Rogan Show, Jelly described his life in these honest and raw terms:
“I spent most of my life from 14 to 25 in jail. At 16 I was charged as an adult; this’ll be the first time I’ve ever talked about it. It was a heinous crime admittedly. We robbed a couple of guys for some weed. It was an armed robbery. We went in there with a gun. I regret it every day of my life, Joe. I was a kid. Now I’m not trying to make an excuse, but I’d like to paint the picture that I literally did not have pubic hairs. Because the state of Tennessee has a zero-forgiveness policy for violent offenders I’ve carried that inexpungable felony for twenty something years.”
When you watch the video of his song Save Me, you might immediately be tempted to pass judgment. You will find his appearance shocking. It will be hard to get past it. But then, once you start listening to the music, you forget about all that surface stuff. The conviction is his voice humbles you. When was the last time I felt like that, you might ask yourself. It is often those who have fallen the farthest that God uses the most.
Doesn’t mean that this man is perfect now. Far from it. He is the first to admit that he struggles every day. But that is what is so refreshing. There is so much hypocrisy. We are pressured to maintain an image on the outside when we know we are nothing like that on the inside. Hiding behind lies is a terrible burden.
Here is Save Me:
Jelly Roll’s reach has been far and wide. He spoke in front of Congress about the fentanyl crisis. Here is what he had to say:
I’m used to having a rock and roll band behind me when I have a microphone in front of me um during the time that I’ve been given to share my testimony here I think it’s important to note before I start that in these five minutes I’ll be speaking that somebody in the United States will die of a drug overdose and it is almost a 72% chance that during those five minutes it will be fentanyl related.
It is important to establish earlier that I am a musician and that I have no political alliance. I am neither Democrat nor Republican in fact because of my past my right to vote has been restricted, thus far I have never paid attention to a political race in my life. Ironically, I think that makes me the perfect person to speak about this because fentanyl transcends partisanship and ideology. Gentlemen and women…190 people a day overdose and die every single day in the United States of America. That’s about what a 737 aircraft can carry.
Could you imagine the national media attention it would get if they were reporting that a plane was crashing every single day and killing 190 people. But because it’s 190 drug addicts, we don’t feel that way because America has been known to bully and shame drug addicts instead of dealing and trying to understand what the actual root of the problem is. But the sad news is that that narrative is changing too because the statistics say that in all likelihood almost every person in this room has lost a friend, family member or colleague to …addiction.
I’ve attended more funerals than I care to share with y’all. I could sit here and cry for days about the caskets I’ve carried of people I loved dearly, deeply in my soul, good people not just drug addicts, uncles, friends, cousins, normal people. Some people that just got in a car wreck and started taking a pain pill to manage it and one thing led to the other and how fast it spirals out of control. I don’t think people truly, truly understand so many people equally.
I think it’s important for me to tell y’all that I’m not here to defend the use of illegal drugs and I also understand the Paradox of my history as a drug dealer standing in front of this committee. But equally I think that’s what makes me perfect to talk about this. I was a part of the problem I am here now standing as a man that wants to be a part of the solution. I brought my community down I hurt people. I was the uneducated man in the kitchen playing chemist with drugs. I knew absolutely nothing about just like these drug dealers are doing right now when they’re mixing every drug on the market with fentanyl and they’re killing the people we love. I’ll be honest with y’all, my desire is to only get older and only do better and be better.
Now I have a 15-year-old daughter whose mother is a drug addict. Every day I get to look in the eyes of a victim in my household of the effects of drugs. Every single day. And every single day I have to wonder if me and my wife if today will be the day that I have to tell my daughter that her mother became a part of the national statistic.
History repeats itself. Gentlemen even in the 1990s, crack cocaine had long made its way into my middle lower-class neighborhood and at that moment even as a teenager you could have never convinced me in that moment that there would be a far bigger problem on the horizon in the form of a pharmaceutical drug. And then I watched opioids and oxycodone burst onto the scene.
I’m here to tell y’all that fentanyl is going to make the Sackler family look like Saints and I want to let y’all sit with that for a second…. At every concert I perform I witness the heartbreaking impact of fentanyl. I see fans grappling with this tragedy in the form of music. I’m here to speak for all these people who crave reassurance that their elected officials actually care more about human life than they do about ideology and partisanship.
I stand here as a regular member of society. I am a stupid songwriter y’all but I have firsthand witnessed this in a way most people have not I encourage y’all to not only pass this bill, but I encourage you to bring it up where it matters—at the kitchen table.
Thank you for your time thank you.
Jelly Roll asks the question, “What’s worship music sound like for a sinner like me?”
He answers it in his album Whitsitt Chapel, the little church he used to attend as a child. We can all worship with him. Here is his song Church:
If you go to his songs on Youtube, you will find many comments like these:
I almost ended my life last weekend. I have been praying for a healing. I have lived a life of pain. I was in and out of juvenile detention centers, foster homes, horrible abuse. I can’t see any hope or a light at the end of the tunnel. I am asking Jesus to help me. This pain is to hard to bare.
I’ve grown up with this man’s music since he was slinging drywall his story hits a felony riddled country boy right in the heart
I remember listening to jelly when my dad was dying from cancer if it wasn’t for his music I’d be stuck somewhere drugged out my mind
Artists who know the pain of the lowest ebbs of life can be used in incredible ways to help other people. I feel this responsibility every day in my writing, I have felt it my whole life, back to when I was writing and illustrating children’s books.
When so many are doing all they can to build walls of hate between us, while at the same time tearing down the foundations of our faith, I’m thankful to know there are artists like Jelly Roll, open and honest in all their failings, and all their current struggles, because once you are an addict that demon chases you the rest of your life, crying out the truth in voices that speak to so many of our youth who are facing the same struggles.
I hope this has touched your heart. Thank you all for being here. Have a beautiful and blessed Sunday on this special Resurrection Day.
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To read and listen to all my essays, articles and interviews please subscribe at https://khmezek.substack.com
One-time or recurring donations can be made at Ko-Fi
Break Free 